It has been a long time. I have had such a busy semester I don’t even have time to write anymore. I have been tired for months. It will be nice when summer break comes along. I am sorry for those who have been checking only to see nothing new for months.
The winter is “officially” over here now, but that doesn’t mean much in Missouri. The weather will continue to be totally fucked up until June or something. In any case, season changes always make me moody and sentimental. It always makes me nostalgic, makes me remember things from the past. That is the curse of human memory, everything becomes nostalgia, and all new things make you think about the old.
My dad and I would always do something in the new season, our whole family, really. Every family has it’s rituals, however different. Tending to the plants, digging them out from under the brown blanket of fallen leaves of winter, picking flowers from the blossoming trees to fill the inside of the house, going to the river to pick wild vegetables, cutting the watermelon-scented grass in the yards. Spring is such a beautiful time of renewal- it is a deep breath accompanying a stretch after shadowy winter. And just the same, it is the reminder of heartbreak and beautiful springs past. Springs that you looked forward to before but are now missing things that used to make you look forward to them. That is a season change for me.
…But it also makes me look forward to the future- that I cannot disregard. I am still human.
It is, however, in my nature to keep the winter with me. To remind myself of the inevitable curtain draw. If only I could go back to the days when I knew nothing of the curtain, or what was to come. There is a sweet innocence to being able to look forward to something in that manner. It is so pure and beautiful and casts a warm shade of white over everything and makes all seem so luminous. I wish I still knew how to do that.
[What-ever you want] 