Catalyst

These past few weeks have been hard… midterms really take it outta me. I’ve got critiques both the week before and after spring break and a research paper. My mind just isn’t where it needs to be right now. I’ve been making these books for a class… we have a critique on Wednesday. I still need to put together two coptics and a codex, as well as fill them all with some sort of content.

A book with coptic binding.

I just want to be in a vacuum. What exactly am I doing here? Will I even be able to do anything worthwhile with my degree when I graduate? What would be worthwhile, anyway? I don’t even know what I mean when I say that. Maybe it’s just that my current attitude is warping whatever outlook I have for my future, but what if it’s not just that? I’ve been seriously doubting myself lately. Why am I here? Am I happy? Where is my relationship going? It’s all jumbling up inside my head and I find myself forgetting what day it is, how old I am, being perceptive and taking in all of these things but not being able to do anything with them. I’m a failure of a catalyst. Fuck.

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